Vehicular combat is not a new concept in gaming, and I know that because Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse Now has the name of a sequel of some sort...
I haven't seen much of the Carmageddon series. I know it exists and I know it's not Twisted Metal, but that's about it. The idea didn't grab my attention - not because I'm a prude that demands pedestrians to be replaced by zombies or aliens, but just because I was into games that made more sense, I suppose, in the late 1990s.
Obviously, as soon as I wrote that, Crash Bandicoot popped into my head, so not all the games I played were sensible. Anyway, the point is, I haven't played Carmageddon II until now, so let's plough on in.
Fun Times
After a basic looking intro video where cars flip through billboards and through caravans and whatnot, we're dumped into a main menu unlike any other.
I'd say that it's out of tone, but actually, it probably isn't. You might conjure up images of a grim and moody 'racing' game where blood and gore are the focus, but when you start a race, that's not the world you spawn into.
This is almost a welcoming cartoon. Until your rivals try to run you off the road, rather than race like professionals.
There are three victory conditions, if you will, in Carmageddon II. To finish the race, four laps around the city streets, through a sequence of checkpoints; to destroy all of your opponents, leaving five smoking wrecks strewn about the map; or to kill every pedestrian in town. There's a counter for all of these challenges - the latter will see you running over 791 people (and animals) in order to succeed.
Naturally, I went for the race. I mean, just look at this map.
The blue line is the racing line, but so long as you pass through each checkpoint, you can drive wherever you want. You'll have to because all those yellow dots are pedestrian targets, and they sure aren't neatly lined up at the edge of the course, so racing I went.
Controls are mapped to the 2468 keys, with others allowing you to reset your car if you 'go a bit squiffy', and others allowing you to not only repair the damage you've taken but to upgrade your cars stats mid-race too. Both cost credits, of course, and seemingly everything you do will give you something - 2000 for a checkpoint, a few hundred for damaging and blowing up a rival, and of course plenty for mowing down the locals.
Power-ups also litter the map, with some giving you weapons and a speed boost, and others altering the condition of the pedestrians, like making them suicidal.
Why I need a power-up to make them suicidal when then run down the middle of the street in the first place, I don't know, but I'll take it. The free repairs are handy too because you're going to be repairing your car. Though it looks like the problems are just cosmetic, I'm sure that having your engine catch fire isn't helpful to whatever cause it is you're aiming for.
Frustrations
My main problem with Carmageddon II was that when I received damage, it was usually the result of a crash, which was itself usually the result of driver 'error'. As far as I'm concerned, the 'error' is in defaulting to 2468, but even if I didn't use the brakes or the reverse button, whatever the '2' key represents, the car handling and general physics is a tad off.
You'll see a corner come up and let off the accelerator ready to turn in, then you'll press the direction you want to turn towards, and a second later your car will spin out. I normally span out early, into the indestructible lamposts or trees right on the bloody apex to the turn, but spinning out after successfully navigating a turn was just as common. There were some corners where I outright expected it to happen and used that knowledge to use walls to turn instead.
Even straight roads can catch you out. You'll accidentally threaten to press a direction, Carmageddon II will somehow know and start to turn anyway, so you'll physically press the opposite direction to compensate for something that you swear shouldn't be happening at all, and then spin out.
This would be fine in the knowledge that the maps are huge and the race doesn't matter, but when you've got a timer ticking down that only fills up when you do something 'cool', like blowing something up or running something over, a straight race approach full of wobbly driving isn't terribly fun.
Further Fun Times
But there are a few maps available from the start, so you can change the city streets for a quarry and get ploughing through another few hundred people (and animals) who really ought to have learnt about this death race and gotten the hell out of here by now.
Any guess as to how that last picture earned me 1200 credits? Running someone over with your back wheels while on the side of your car?
Artistic impression indeed.
Final Word
After a couple of races, my interest in Carmageddon II was waning. My last race saw me go the wrong side of a checkpoint, not trigger it, then have to absolutely bomb it back across the city to try and get it before time ran out - at this point, I was only concerned with racing; the blood and explosions weren't doing it for me - but, of course, I spun out when I really needed to not spin out and eventually ran out of time.
I wasn't playing for very long, perhaps half an hour or so, but too much more of that and I would feel like I'm wasting my time. I wasn't excited to see what the city looked like beyond the highlighted course. I didn't care what weird and wacky power-ups there were. I sure wasn't going to spend my time running over 791 pedestrians, because there are seven hundred and ninety-one pedestrians. It's bad enough to find ten hidden things in a game, let alone 800 of them.
Carmageddon II is at least easy to get into. It's not easy to perfect, but given time and practice and car upgrades, sure, you could have a good time. For me, it's a little light. There's nothing pulling me back in for another go.
Should you try it? Yeah, why not. Is it a must play? I'm not so sure. Historical for having region-specific blood, gore and people design settings, but that sounds a bit desperate if that's the only reason to play it.
Play it for what it is: a distraction until you can find something much better to do.
Fun Facts
With multiple levels of censorship depending on where in the world you are, your choice for the 'complete experience' was to hunt down a 'Blood patch' online, or hope that a four character code on the box was accurate, as it contained information for region and amount of censorship.
Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse Now, developed by Stainless Games, first released in 1998.
Version played: PC, 1998.