The 1001 entry for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles mentions a couple of things of note. Firstly it says that the Final Fantasy brand can get attached to some strange titles, but that these spin-off games aren't always to be glossed over. Later on, it says that the best way to play this game is with a party of three people, you and some friends, all with Game Boys attached to a single GameCube.
I don't have that kind of set up. I don't have those kinds of friends. I don't even know what this game is or why it needs extra people to make it worthwhile. This will be as blind a playthrough as you can get, but based on the lengthy introduction video, I can at least say that Crystal Chronicles has something to do with caravanning.
Maybe it's Final Fantasy meets The Oregon Trail...
Frustrations
This video really did feel far too long and told me absolutely nothing about the world, the people in it, the kind of things we'll be doing... nothing. It wasn't even hyping anything up, or getting me excited to dive in. It was just nameless figure after nameless figure converging in a town and then hopping on a caravan and leaving, followed by a montage of people driving and being driven in a caravan.
Then a diary appeared, and I found out that I'm not even one of those people. I haven't even left yet. Who or what am I?
After a short character creation menu that told me literally nothing about the type of character I was creating, or the decisions I was making, I leave home in search of some myrrh. Well, at least I have an objective. I'm going to the shops, no doubt getting terribly distracted along the way.
I am finally given the opportunity to find out what's going on, but I can already tell you that I am not eager to know it all.
Combat seems straightforward enough, with an attack button that can be held down to unleash a charge attack, which you hopefully aim correctly with the d-pad. It's not a bad looking game, I suppose, but it's not wowing me.
I don't want tutorials right now. I need them, yeah, but I don't want them. I want a story to start. I want to be swept up in something and have to overcome the odds to get out. I want a reason to play this game.
I trundle my wagon down the road on the map before exploring on foot. I find a cave, and caves always lead to something interesting, don't they?
Not this one.
Well, no, I tell a lie. Stamp collecting isn't exciting, but spraypainting this... thing... did at least catch me off guard. I don't expect to spray paint animals in any game, even games focused on spray painting, so if there is any positive to be found in Crystal Chronicles, so far, it's this.
Down another road, I'm introduced - barely - to the Miasma stream. It seems important. I want to get close to it.
It won't let me and physically pushes me backwards. The game is actively denying me anything of interest. After ten minutes, I turn it off in disgust.
Final Word
Is this the worst write up I've done? It has to be. I know I've phoned it in before, but I can't really recall the last time a game has been so dull that I've just wanted to slap something together and move on. I know I've done so at least once, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. A bad game I don't want to play again, that's for sure.
Crystal Chronicles probably isn't a bad game. It looks alright if you like the style of the characters, but it did absolutely nothing to get me on board before playing, and the first things you get up to when you are in control seem to serve no purpose whatsoever. Stamp collecting. Really?
Did I miss a location that would solve all my problems? Should I have bothered to sit through all the tutorial options, from casting magic to... blimey, I even forget what else you can do in this game, it's left that little an impression on me.
Does the idea of a Final Fantasy Oregon Trail appeal? I suppose it could, but it's not set up like that at the minute. I'm just guessing, mostly based on the existence of a caravan.
I can't say what this game is like at all, and I don't have the desire to find out either.
Fun Facts
This was the first Final Fantasy game on Nintendo consoles since Final Fantasy VI back in 1994.
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, developed by The Game Designers Studio, first released in 2003.
Version played: GameCube, 2004, via emulation.