What's your idea of paradise? Sun, sea, sand... disembodied hands playing pool by the pool in Pool Paradise?
If you're a fan of all things billiards, apparently Pool Paradise is a title you need to play. With a robust simulation of the sport set on a vibrant island paradise, it should appeal to both fans and newcomers alike.
But does it? Chalk me cue up and let's find out.
Fun Times
Not gonna lie, wasn't expecting that one. The game starts by diving underwater where we get $200 from a loan shark. An actual shark. Shady looking one, too. Is this a real pool game, or a wacky one? Can it actually be both?
The menu gives us some options, where we completely ignore the practice mode and just head straight to the competition. I don't play pool, though I have hit balls with cues into pockets in a variety of rulesets, on varying sizes of tables, both cheap and plastic and expensive and in bars. I've dabbled, is what I'm saying, but I am shite at the sport.
Still, video games make us much more competent than we actually are, so this first match should be a doddle.
Oh good Lord, I'm playing against a pair of floating hands. Wait. His picture has a face. Where is his face?
I suppose you don't have to model an entire pool player, especially if we're focused on the table, and not what lay beyond it. Though, what is beyond the table is an island paradise bar, complete with old-timey jukebox and absolutely nobody in sight, floating hands or otherwise.
What strange place is this?
My opponent, Sandy Beach, fouls and I get the ball for the first time. I'm emulating the GameCube release of Pool Paradise, and I've no idea how to control it. What's the worst that could happen?
Whoa there, what the heck is that? Why is there a skull and crossbones on the end of my cue? More to the point, why does the design keep changing as soon as it disappears from the screen?
Frustrations
Oh, I wish I knew what I was getting into here. Made in Banbury cue in hand - unless it changes the very second I lean down towards the table - I take aim. Or at least I hoped to.
The B-button cycles between modes, including placing the ball, pointing at the right spot on the cue ball, nominating a ball to hit and even a pocket to aim for. What was this nonsense? Why couldn't I just put the damn ball in the damn hole I wanted to put it into?
Stumbling upon some on-screen controls, I try to make sense of this game, and fail, basically. It is only after a few minutes of fumbling around do I happen to catch sight of a highlighted pocket, and then happen to press the correct button to select it, and then, somehow, I manage to pot a ball.
If you're in the right mode, and/or press and hold the A-button, you can pull back on the analogue stick to draw your cue back, and push it forward to nudge it up the table and into the cue ball, hopefully precisely where you intended it to go.
I don't think it's anywhere near 1:1 in term of translating your inputs, instead just asking you to mimic the action for the sake of authenticity, but once you've got it down it makes sense, and you just go with it.
Not that I could pot anything much after that, though...
A rail/cushion was not hit? What rules are we playing by, exactly? None I've ever played by, I can say that for sure.
After that, we both traded shot after shot utterly failing to pot the red ball, and I was eager to know why there weren't any guidelines to help players place their shots.
It turns out that there is some kind of feature for this, but I think with the way my controller is set up for emulation, I'm not able to select anything. It's weird and a little annoying, but there are no lines in real life, so I'll just have to get on with it as best I can.
I only won because Sandy fouled too often. Huh. Well, that bodes well for my chances of success in this game...
After slapping a wad of cash on the table, he challenges me to another match, with different rules this time.
Final Word
So Pool Paradise is probably fine as a game, especially if you're a fan, but I'm not. I can't stand it. Balls shooting off all over the place, rules that make no sense. I expected a chill game but got a competitive sport on an island resort, and it's all kinds of weird and I'm not entirely on board with it.
Were I to have a controller set up that works, and headed to the practice table first, I probably would have enjoyed my time with Pool Paradise a little bit more. Well, a lot more. I read that you can pull off trick shots and all sorts with how well modelled the ball physics are and all that, but to get to that point you've surely got to be dedicated to it. I'm not. Not by a long shot.
But there does seem to be a decent chunk of gameplay in here. Multiple modes, multiplayer support, there's a shop, so I assume customisation options... I've no idea. Do I want to find out? No. Not really.
If I'm desperate to play something like this, I will pick snooker over pool, for starters. I'd probably pick realism over paradise, too. And yet this game makes it onto the 1001 list above all others. Is it just that blend of physics and fantasy? Is the gameplay really that good that it needs to be experienced by gamers everywhere?
I can see a good game in here, sure. An amazing game? I've no idea. A game for me, most likely not. A game for you? Yeah, if you're interested in it.
Pool Paradise exists, does its job well, provides a game of pool for those who want it... Yeah. What else can I say?
Fun Facts
If you're bored of Pool, there are even minigames elsewhere on the island to keep you entertained, including an arcade cabinet that plays Dropzone. Have I sold you, or myself, on Pool Paradise yet?
Pool Paradise, developed by Awesome Developments, first released in 2004.
Version played: GameCube, 2004, via emulation.