Football Manager 2010

Let's be having you?

Football. What a sport.

I'd say I follow it, but following requires a bit of effort. I'd say I'm a fan, but I don't go around parading my allegiances anywhere, even if it's perfectly fine to support Liverpool these days (or perhaps was, until they started playing like the Liverpool I grew up with - losing).

I've been to very few live matches mostly because of having absolutely no desire to go. You get a better view at home, in the warm, away from the racists who think their own team's players are absolute dog-shite, what are you doing, you pillock, my nan could have scored from there.

Football fans who think they could do a better job than the players on the pitch, and especially the manager on the touchline, are just the worst. I'm sorry, but you are. Luckily for you, though, Football Manager 2010 exists so that you can have a go at being the boss in the comfort of your own home.

Please. Only have a go in your own home.

Flight Control

Ground Control to Major Disaster, come in, Major Disaster...

I have no idea what it's like to be an air traffic controller. I would hope that air travel across the world is a nice and organized affair, where planes stick to their predefined approaches to the runway, and the pilots are capable of thinking for themselves if needed.

Basically, I hope it's a lot easier and less stressful than the mobile game that is Flight Control, a little game about juggling aircraft that very quickly spirals out of control...

Let's see how many happy landings we can get in this one.

Slaves to Armok II: Dwarf Fortress

"All I see is blonde, brunette, redhead..."

Source // Wikipedia

Do you like Rogue but want more? NetHack not enough for you? Do you want all the empty, black spaces on your terminal screen to be full - absolutely crammed full - of characters you didn't even know were in the ASCII standard? And do you then want that fantasy world to be staggeringly huge, span a good few hundred years of simulated history, and be incomprehensible, nonsensical, yet insanely detailed, all at the same time?

Then you might - might, mind - be looking for Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter II: Dwarf Fortress, or Slaves to Armok II: Dwarf Fortress, or better yet, Dwarf Fortress, the game that is almost literally like no other.

There are games you dread to start up, games you fear setting eyes upon, and then there is Dwarf Fortress, as impenetrable to new players as a good fortress should be. This post is going to be something, alright, but I know for sure it won't be useful.

RollerCoaster Tycoon 3

Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle.

Tycoon games have never given me the greatest of gaming experiences. The promise of being able to create the theme park or transport network of your dreams (strange dreams) is admirable, but the accounting and business management side of the simulation is a chore.

Sure, there are actual sandbox modes in many of these games, but that's not why they were made. These games are made to challenge your skills in balancing the books and giving the customer a good time. Preferably while emptying their wallets in the process.

Here, then, is the next one to try: RollerCoaster Tycoon 3. I think you can guess where the focus of the game is to be found. And yes, I'm aware there is only a hint of a rollercoaster in that image.

Can we turn a barren park into an amusement park? Can we bankroll ridiculous rollercoaster designs off the back of aggressive pricing policies? Shall we indeed scream if we want to go faster?

Sid Meier's Railroad Tycoon

Toot, toot.

Not pictured: Railroads

Seeing Sid Meier's Railroad Tycoon coming up on the list brought back memories of getting my hands on Transport Tycoon for the PlayStation: I was wowed by the idea, fired it up, didn't have a damn clue what was going on and quickly abandoned it.

Have I changed as a person since then? Can I competently run a railroad network spanning the country, delivering passengers, mail, livestock and much more besides?