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| Source // PlayStation |
Not content with working its way up as the underdog (so I'm lead to believe), the Top Spin series' must-play entry, Top Spin 3, overhauls everything that makes a tennis game a game about tennis and drops everyone, amateur and professional alike, into a simulation that demands you put the legwork in.
You know, like real tennis.
That's not going to happen.
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| Source // PlayStation |
Frustrations
After Virtua Tennis 3, I was remarking at how a tennis game actually held my attention for long enough to not complain about it too much. Could all tennis games be like this, if I were to just ignore the tennis part of them? If I were to ignore that I strongly dislike this sport?
The answer is no because Top Spin 3 is a tennis game that, like Rockstar Games Presents Table Tennis, decides to use the power of the consoles of the future to make everything so ridiculously anal that it gets in the way of idiots like me having a good time.
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| Source // PlayStation |
Before a single match of tennis was played, I went to the tennis school to learn about how Top Spin 3 works. In short, you push buttons to respond to incoming shots. I mean, that's a given. What matters here is how well you push those buttons and in particular your timing.
A ball is approaching you. You decide to press X to return it. You could have pressed square or circle, but to you, they all do the same damn thing, so X it is. You press and hold the button, like you've been instructed to do, releasing it at some point, I guess before the ball sails past you.
The robot isn't happy. "Too Soon", it says. You try again - school won't end until you get it right. You do the same thing, with what you believe to be the same timing. The robot is pleased. Next target, please.
You're taught about positioning, which makes sense - you can't return a shot if you're not next to it - and it's important to think about your positioning because your move like you've never run in your life. When you do get into position in time, if you didn't press any button in time as well, you'll be watching the ball whizz by. Try again.
It's important to fail in practice and not in a real game where it matters. Let's see where the career mode takes us.
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| Source // PlayStation |
After creating a tennis player who looks more or less human but will never look like you so don't even try, I'm told that to make progress I have to beat three players in a little tie-break game.
Opponent number 1 is a tennis player. He wins 7-0.
Opponent number 2 is wearing trousers. I score some points, but it was nowhere near enough to win.
Opponent number 3 is short and fat, wears cargo shorts, and pips me to the post.
At no point during these games - even when I was actually capable of scoring a point - did I feel like anything I did mattered. Does it matter what button I press? Is the timing really that important? Why tell me about more powerful shots with the R2 button if I don't see any difference in my animation or the outcome of my shots?
Utterly failing the career, I jumped into an exhibition match with some pros, thinking that a player with a rating of 70 would be able to, oh I don't know, play tennis in a way that your career 'hopeful' with their rating of 30 simply cannot.
There was no change. Even against a weaker opponent on paper, I was losing points to shots that went out, because who knows, or because my player didn't move, or because they did move but didn't swing, or because they clearly went where the fecking ball was heading, but when they got there the ball was actually soaring over their head into the back of the court for another 15 bloody points.
Final Word
Ugh, I'm getting angry just recalling the events of Top Spin 3. I was playing on the PlayStation 3, where I had to install a bunch of data to the hard drive before playing, and even then it stuttered and crawled when loading the college court at "New Hampbridge"...
There are licensed players and venues, but for a tennis outsider like me, what's the point in knowing that? You're not going to win over new players because Roger Federer is the cover star. You win them over by providing a fun game.
Top Spin 3 is not fun. I was hopeful, honest, but give me Virtua Tennis 3 any day of the week, even if I was constantly losing that one, too.
"Ah, but, you've got to spend ten hours getting used to the controls, it'll be great after that." No. It'll be tennis after that, and that's a whole other problem.
Fun Facts
Real-time weather effects? Ok, cool, but there's no Wimbledon to see flood. Got anything I'd actually be interested in?
Top Spin 3, developed by PAM Development, first released in 2008.
Version played: PlayStation 3, 2008.