What does the Wii remote remind you of? A sword-hilt? A tennis racket handle? What about just using it without much of an imaginary thing sticking out of the end, like it was a pair of clippers? But hairdressing isn't terribly exciting, is it? We can't make a game about cutting hair.
What about cutting vegetables and hedges?
And thus, Bonsai Barber appeared for Wii owners the world over to get clipping and trimming in the safety of a virtual environment. Why? I have no idea.
Fun Times
The setup is simple. The old barber has left, the new barber - that'd be you - has arrived, and the vegetable inhabitants of this place need their bushes trimmed, and not like that, you dirty person, you.
There's precious little time to read the newspaper in your own home before you hear the clearing of a throat, someone wanting your attention.
Sorry, didn't see you come in. Into my own home. That I've barely walked into myself. How can I help you?
Hairdressing is the answer. Haircuts for everyone. Bonsai Barber isn't a game about anything else, really. It's a sort of barber simulator, but don't expect anything radical to happen here. You pick a tool from whatever you have on hand, or dangling from string, in this case, and use it to create the style the customer wants.
Your scissors do much of the work. Point the Wiimote where you want to cut and press the B button until twigs and leaves fall away, hopefully in more or less the right place, though there are tools to correct your mistakes should you need to use them.
The clippers will clip off the leaves and leave the twigs behind and they are the one tool to neaten up the edges of your work so that you can hopefully earn more stars for a job well done. I don't know what goes on under the hood to grade it all, but the more stars you get, the better your business will be.
As more customers arrive, you'll get more shapes to cut hedges into, and will inevitably make use of more of the tools to fix and fine-tune your efforts. A spray bottle regrows bits that you've cut off and is great for making a nice edge, but getting it to stop growing is basically impossible, and you'll have to trim it all back anyway. Good for fixing a mistake though, which can happen when these folks refuse to sit still.
A comb can also be used to wrangle branches into shape, but when you're finished with your efforts, wallop a gong in their face and that's that, onto the next one.
Frustrations
That is if you can be bothered to become a barber in the first place.
Bonsai Barber promises more than just a small game about trimming bushes. You've got appointments to arrange, holidays to talk about, and will even receive postcards from those clients, should you have a good enough relationship with them.
But who wants to have a relationship with a hedge? Sure, you can have fun making a wacky design with your Wiimote, but do you want to do that again and again, day after day, pleasing different vegetables for the sake of some cartoony stars and awards?
Final Word
I know I don't. Ten minutes of trimming was plenty for me, partly because I was emulating Bonsai Barber and couldn't be bothered to work out which buttons I'd assigned to rotating my virtual Wiimote to give me a better cutting angle, but mostly because I couldn't progress to the next day until I practised on a pot plant I was given - I think.
The fact that I didn't want to stick around to find out shows that Bonsai Barber isn't for everyone, but it is accessible for those that want to cut things safely. I'm not too sure how big the 'cutting things safely' audience is, but if you're a member and want to cut a talking carrot, here's your game.
Fun Facts
What's the camera for? Taking photos and sharing them on WiiConnect24, of course.
Bonsai Barber, developed by Zoonami, first released in 2009.
Version played: Nintendo Wii, 2009, via emulation.