 |
| Source // Nintendo |
A long time ago, I praised Super Punch-Out!! for being one of the best-looking boxing games I was aware of. Admittedly, the number of boxing games I was aware of was quite low, and there is something about pixel art that shines above even the most glistening of HD sweat effects, but the statement still held: it was a looker, even if I wasn't any good at it.
In the many years since Super Punch-Out!!, boxing games grew to become slobber knocker simulators for the die-hard fans of the sport, but a controller can only go so far. A motion controller and balance board can go much further, and a console that can't put out all those droplets of blood, sweat, and tears needs to shine differently. It needs Punch-Out!!.
Whether you see it as a remake or a series reboot, what matters is that Punch-Out!! has returned to the ring. Can it make the knock-out blow so that it can be crowned the champion?
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
Frustrations
The answer to that question rhymes with our first opponent, Glass Joe - the easy opponent that everyone can knock out, right?
Wrong.
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
Punch-Out!! on the Nintendo Wii has optional motion controls, but come on, you're here to use those motion controls, aren't you? I know I am. Playing with a controller is just playing an HD version of Super Punch-Out!!. Playing with motion controls is actually using your inner strength to defeat your opponent, complete with swings, jabs, and bobs away from incoming threats.
And boy does it suck. Motion controls on paper sound great, but in practice, they result in you punching the air three times before Little Mac translates those movements into a swing of his own, which is now mistimed and ineffective.
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
Making use of the also optional balance board to help with dodging did lead to some better response, though my notes question whether that's because of the additional sensors, or because I was standing an inch higher, and my Wiimote was now further into the main sensor bar's range. Clearly, I don't know how motion controls work.
The takeaway is that no matter what bits of motion control equipment you're using, two things are true: Punch-Out!! is rubbish with them, but you'll get a decent workout struggling regardless.
 |
| Source // MobyGames |
Using the Wiimote as an actual controller turns Punch-Out!! into a sort of remake of Super Punch-Out!!. It's essentially the same game with a new coat of paint, one that isn't too bad, to be honest, but isn't as charming as the old art, nor as socially acceptable to folks. It was acceptable in the 80s and all that.
I'm not so fussed about that myself. Besides, I couldn't beat down a German stereotype to save my life, as evidenced by the fact that I can't do it even with a controller. My arms must have still been aching after flailing in front of Glass Joe.
Final Word
I've never been one to enjoy boxing, and thanks to dodgy motion controls, I'm now someone who doesn't enjoy Punch-Out!! either.
Sure, it looks alright, and for fans of the series it's probably exactly what you want to see, but for someone who is lead to believe that motion control is the future and that games are better with it, Punch-Out!! is evidence that there's still some work to be done.
Could it be improved? Could I go into it with a fully re-calibrated set of sensors in the ideal Nintendo Wii motion control gaming space in front of the TV? Perhaps, yes. Knowing how much of a workout you get from it, it might be a great reason to get up and get fit.
But I don't want to fight with the very controls that are helping me to achieve that, and that's Punch-Out!! - fighting to even throw a punch, let alone to land a hit.
Consider me knocked out. Again.
Fun Facts
It comes as no surprise to me to learn that turning the Wiimote sideways to hold it like an NES controller was the earliest way to make the game feel like the older titles. The art style and lack of 3D movement around the ring were also chosen to retain the look and feel of the old games.
Punch-Out!!, developed by Next Level Games, first released in 2009.
Version played: Nintendo Wii, 2009.