But what if you get seasick, or simply don't like boats? The best Link has you covered in The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks, swapping the waves for the rails as you get behind a steam engine and criss-cross the land instead of the sea - and who doesn't like trains? Trains are great.
I'm looking forward to this one. Put your mask on and climb aboard.
Fun Times
I'm emulating Spirit Tracks, and it's a little choppy on this rig but that comes and goes and is all part of the fun when it comes to emulating, rather than playing on original hardware.
This introduction video has a ghostly, floating Princess Zelda. Not quite sure what's up with that. Hopefully, this isn't a continuation of the Phantom Hourglass story, and that I've missed something. I'm pretty sure it isn't and is just set in the same great graphic style.
The set-up is awfully familiar: Bad guy does bad things, good guys do what they can to deal with the bad guy, everything returns to normal and life flourishes but the bad guy is inevitably not as dealt with as we thought. Cue bad things.
The big difference in Spirit Tracks' story is that we've already got a job lined up for us, and it's not saving the world, but driving a train. It's admittedly an important train, as our graduation ceremony takes place at the castle, but how can a train save the world, eh?
Thanks to a right little dickhead telling us to roll into a tree, we've disturbed a bees nest and are frantically running around looking for a way to leave them bee. This is a nice opportunity to get used to the controls, which are all done through the touchpad, where you point your stylus to where you want Link to go, effectively drawing lines across the screen to get him to hurry up.
I nearly die to these bloody bees, by the way. My run could have come to an end pretty much immediately, all thanks to this tit telling me to roll into a tree. I'm going to have to get him back one of these days, but I'm late for the big event.
To get to the ceremony, we're taking the train. Heck, we're driving it. That's what we're an apprentice for, isn't it?
Driving it is a simple thing. On the right of the screen is a gear lever to adjust our speed, from fast to forward, to stop, to backwards, quickly, oh my God please stop quicker. Above it is a whistle, used to shoo cows off the tracks ahead, and any other use you can think of.
If you've nothing to do on that stretch of track, you can move the camera around and admire the scenery from whatever angle you want. There's not a lot of detail to see, but it's a relaxing way to travel, so why not admire the view? Just be sure to see what's up ahead of you, in case you need to adjust the tracks to avoid other trains.
The 300 second time limit is more than enough to get us to the castle where we can hop off and meet the Princess.
The guards are wearing some familiar-looking uniforms, and are mostly diligently doing their job, though they have forgotten that there's a ceremony happening today. Is it a big ceremony? Am I the only graduate? Chancellor Cole knows what's going on, even if he's wearing two hats. Must be the fashion here.
There isn't even an audience to this ceremony, outside of the guards. This is weird. Still, Link has gotten to see - and get stunned by the sight of - Princess Zelda, definitely not a ghost. If there's only one other person in this room that likes the rail network, it's Zelda.
It's actually a rather important network, and if you talk to some of the locals, they'll say that it was in place before they were even here, as though the trains were built before the towns. That's a little strange. Makes my new position all the more prestigious, though.
And just like that, it's over. We're an engineer now. The Chancellor mutters under his breath that it's a worthless endeavour, so he's clearly evil. The Princess said as much when she slipped us a secret letter, telling us not to open it until everybody has left and we're not being watched. Is this the start of a much bigger story, or has the Princess just taken a liking to us?
We can read letters we've been sent in our pause menu, and the Princess' letter teaches us that we can scribble on maps, just like we could do in Phantom Hourglass. Here, we're looking for a secret path to the top of the castle, presumably to keep our relationship a secret. I mean, this is a love story, isn't it?
We've been allowed to take a few dialogue options up to this point in the story, but seeing as they're made by a mute, the only importance they seem to have is to make Link act more like you want him to. The story isn't going to branch from this choice, but we are going to get a line or two that relates to our choice before we get right back on track (no pun intended), and it all helps to show Link as the loveable idiot that he is (or is going to be, if I've got any say in it).
Leading the Princess around the castle allows Link to become Solid Snake, avoiding vision cones and observing patrol patterns. I have flashbacks of Ghost Babel, for some reason, the Game Boy port, of sorts, of Metal Gear Solid. I never finished it, because I couldn't find where I was meant to place some C4.
Anyway, Spirit Tracks is more involved than that, as we're about to see in the gardens.
The Princess will follow you by default, but when the situation demands it, you can tell her to move on her own, drawing a line for her to follow on the screen while you occupy the guard's attention by chatting to them. Or is that staring at them, seeing as Link doesn't say anything? That'd be unsettling, a child in your guard uniform just staring at you.
It's a tiny bit fiddly to switch and move and make sure you're doing the right thing, but there isn't a time constraint and the guard's attention will remain glued to Link for as long as Link is there, doing his thing.
And we're away! The Princess wants to go to the Tower of Spirits, a short way away from the castle, and a magical place that is the key to whatever bad feeling the Princess has in her gut. The fastest way to get there is by train, which we are now legally able to drive on our own, but it's quite difficult to drive a train when the tracks disappear beneath your wheels.
If that wasn't enough, an inky black cloud sprouts whispy purple tendrils that creep down and circle the Tower before splitting it into multiple sections that now float in place. Can you get more evil than a dark purple cloud doing things like this?
Maybe you can, as it is revealed - though let's face it, we all had a hunch - that Chancellor Cole is actually a bad guy. Is he working for a higher power? Probably. All we know for sure is that neither Alfonzo nor Link is strong enough to protect the Princess right now, both falling to the might of Cole's muscle, Byrne.
These cutscenes may look a little chunky and low quality, and the writing is a little clichéd at times, but when you've got to be constrained by cartridge memory and screen resolution, you've got to go for simple and straightforward.
The result in doing so here is a game that is as playable 10 years after its initial release as it was 10 days after. You overlook the shortcomings because of that strong cel-shaded look. It's a timeless cartoon where everyone has over the top expressions and emotions as if to allow the folks at the back to know what's going on as well.
What I'm rambling about is how engaging Spirit Tracks is. I think.
We've been brought back to the castle to recover, though Alfonzo will need more rest than us, and now we've a much clearer goal. The Princess was right, something terrible has happened, and she's at the heart of it, in need of rescue.
We seem to be the only person capable of seeing the Princess, which is handy because we're the only person she can count on. For reasons I either skipped over or couldn't comprehend, we've been given her Spirit Flute, which I guess is going to come into play in much the same way as the Ocarina in Ocarina of Time.
I, however, have another item of importance in mind, and we have to get hold of it before we're allowed to leave the castle through the back door:
A nice sword will solve many of our more immediate problems. We get to practice on some guards, and there are three ways to attack, which will be familiar to players of Phantom Hourglass: tap to attack, draw a line through a target to slash, and draw a circle around Link to perform a spin attack.
As soon as we're allowed to leave through the back, we get to swing our sword in anger for the first time, smacking some... enemies on the head with cartoony satisfaction. No, I don't know the names of Zelda enemies, so what?
It's not too long before we're in a secret tunnel that leads to the Tower of Spirits, or what's left of it after the attack, and we're introduced to more monsters and some light puzzles, like block-pushing to weigh down buttons that open doors that lead to chests that contain keys to open doors. It's all very Zelda-like.
It's also all very accessible. Tap on a block to have Link grab it. Tap on a direction to have him move it in that direction. Tap elsewhere to stop pulling or pushing. Controlling Link via the stylus isn't too much of a problem at all, even if I'd perhaps prefer to be moving him around using an analogue stick instead.
Sometimes there's a little disconnect between what I'm inputting and what Link does, but as I'm emulating, I'm more willing to admit that's a problem on my end, not his.
The next room involves a puzzle to solve, with hints being written on stone markers between some water hazards that you can relatively easily hop across. Falling into them isn't advised, but resets you right next to where you just leapt from. Jumping over them, walking into an enemy, and getting staggered back into the water is absolutely not advised, as your hearts will deplete doubly.
Like the bees at the start of the game, within what felt like seconds, little Link was huffing and panting, on the brink of death. It's not a cool feeling, knowing that one more mistake will be the end of your run, especially if tapping in the wrong place on the screen results in you walking into an enemy, rather than attacking it.
Still, we manage, we solve the puzzle, and just like that, we're at the Tower. I thought the train was the quickest route here...
Inside we find Anjean, who I think is a spirit of some form or is important at least, and very knowledgeable about what on Earth is going on here. Apparently, the train tracks form connections between temples that hold the evil Malladus in place. If the train tracks disappear, so do the chains holding the big bad guy in prison. I think we've got our main objective, then...
I've cut quite a bit of stuff out there. The Princess is objecting to one tiny detail of the plan to break Malladus free. The Chancellor needs a vessel to host the Demon King, someone of royal descent if I remember correctly.
The Princess is, of course, a ghostly spirit right now, so we have to assume that her body is elsewhere, being prepared for some vessel-y duties. How, well, disgusting.
In another moment of humour, the Princess becomes increasingly desperate to drum the significance of this into Link, verging on crazy and evil herself. Link is the only person who can help. Link has to help. Link is going to help, aren't you, Link?
Oh. It seems Zelda can help save herself too. Well, that's nice. Come on, Princess. We've got some adventuring to do.
Final Word
And that's where I stopped for the day, an hour in, the story finally underway, and a story I want to play through.
I want to get back to the trains, to be honest, but as our mission involves restoring the disappearing tracks, I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty more of them in no time at all. We better, seeing as the whole point of Spirit Tracks are the trains, and I like trains.
On the way, we've got the usual Zelda exploration: enemies to swing our sword at, puzzles to solve, temples to traverse through, and colourful characters to interact with. Every Zelda game is fundamentally the same, just with a different lick of paint. You know what you're going to get, and you have to hope that whatever is new is to your liking.
I don't know what's new here other than the trains, but if that's all, then I'm happy. I already enjoy this art style thanks to Wind Waker, and I already enjoy the way Phantom Hourglass played, even if I wasn't terribly good at it. Spirit Tracks, to me, is more of what of want, but with a refreshing change of scenery.
Like most Nintendo titles, especially from the Zelda and Mario series, anyone can pick this up and get going, and just look at it. Is that not an inviting looking game or what?
Where will the story take us? Well, to where ever other Zelda title has taken us, I suppose. How difficult will it get? Hopefully not too difficult at all. I'm getting old and cranky, and unnecessary challenges don't make me smile. Should I play Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass first? Probably, yes. They're already on a long backlog, and now Spirit Tracks has been added to that list as well.
Play it and just have some fun already. We could all do with some of that from time to time.
Fun Facts
Unusually, the English name Spirit Tracks was settled on before the Japanese name, and as such the Japanese name would have to be a translation of, or evoke the same idea as, Spirit Tracks, but not sound haunted or silly. The Japanese title they landed on translates to Train Whistle of the Wide World. Not sure they succeeded there. Probably sounds better in Japanese.
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks, developed by Nintendo EAD, first released in 2009.
Version played: Nintendo DS, 2009, via emulation.