It's that time again. The moment where we roll back the clock in the middle of rolling back the clock to assess what the clock has shown us. Except it's not a clock that has shown us anything, it's a list of 1001 Must-Play Video Games, and instead of just assessing them we're shoving them on pedestals in The 701/1001 Milestone Awards.
The very latest batch of 50 old video games, from GT Legends to Fight Night Round 3, have shown themselves to the world, but only a mere fraction of them can hope to appear in The Top Ten, and fewer still have a chance to crack into The Topper Than That Top Ten.
Do we have some more recency biases on display this time out? Probably. But these awards are a joke to begin with. I mean, who would use an IBM 701 to introduce a set of video game awards?
Kicking us off, not because they want to but because they have to are The Indifferent 5, five games that are exactly that. Games. Take 'em, leave 'em, doesn't really matter. Surprisingly not as bland as previous winners, this lot. I must have found it hard to have no opinion about the games this time around. That, or I've forgotten - and stubbornly refuse to re-read - what I wrote. In no particular order, they are:
Dead Rising, Capcom Production Studio 1
Tower Bloxx, Digital Chocolate
Nintendogs, Nintendo EAD
Guitar Hero, Harmonix
Gunstar Super Heroes, Treasure
Good job, you lot. Or an adequate job, I guess?
One of my favourite awards next, because everyone loves to argue over pointless things, don't they? In a list of 1001 video games, do you know how many there are that shouldn't be there? At least 20, otherwise The Milestone Awards would be over with quicker. Each batch contains some glaring errors, as we get to ask What Was That 1 Even Put On The List For?
There can be only one, and there was only one. Potentially even taking over from Pikmin 2 as the absolute embodiment of this question.
What Was Ninja Gaiden Black Put On The List For?
Congratulations go to Nintendo for not winning this for once. I've probably jinxed you to appear here next time, now...
In its place, of course, we must put something new. Something worthy. Here's an idea. If a remake/remaster/rerelease in the form of Ninja Gaiden Black is fair game, I answer the question You Forgot What?! with the fantastic remake/remaster/rerelease that is Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence.
Look at that. Horrible camera system stripped out and replaced with something that works. New difficulty levels designed with extreme Europeans in mind. Ape Escape crossover levels. And that's before we learn about the second disc, with Metal Gear Online, as well as the original Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake, fully playable for those of us who don't have an MSX lying around. And you know there's more.
That's how you tweak a game.
Right, moving onto the good stuff. The Top Ten. A little strange, perhaps. The objective among you will wonder what I'm smoking, but I say nothing. I am merely high on the buzz that these lot give me, whether they're the greatest games of all time or not. You're free to make your own list if you think otherwise. Here we go:
10. Gears of War, Epic Games
Bulky bloody cover shooting starring walking fridges with chainsaw guns. I mean, come on, what else do you want?
9. Mother 3, Brownie Brown, Hal Laboratory
I've got a dog called Monkey! I named him that, though. It wasn't the default choice. Don't know what we'll get up to, but it'll look all kinds of weird and impressive, even if I have to rely on fan-translated ROMs.
8. SWAT 4, Irrational Games
It's tricky to get on top of, but what a novel concept. To me, at least, late to any series, as always.
7. Psychonauts, Double Fine Productions
Late to this one as well. I hear there's a trailer to the sequel that I can watch. Surprising, that. Commercial flop, wasn't it?
6. LEGO Star Wars, Traveller's Tales
Hello, nostalgia. The series definitely got better over time, though.
5. TimeSplitters: Future Perfect, Free Radical Design
Better than I remembered, to be honest. I've more memories of TimeSplitters 2, but there really is a reason to play both.
4. Rogue Galaxy, Level-5
The definition of a hidden gem, perhaps. Star Wars meets Dark Cloud? Sign me right up.
3. GT Legends, SimBin Studios
A love letter to racing of old, and a great one at that.
2. Yakuza 2, Sega NE R&D
My plans after wrapping this post up? Begin my journey through this story with Yakuza 0. Yeah, it's not Yakuza 2, but that's how good Yakuza 2 was. Got me to want to play everything else.
That's a pretty strong second place. What have I been captivated by more than any of these titles, or the 40 others that weren't good enough to get here? Spoilers: They've done it again. First with Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War, and now with Company of Heroes. How do you do it, Relic? Have you spaced out the sequels so that the next few Milestone Awards are yours too?
Which is better, though, 40k or WWII? That's a dumb question. Clearly, 40k is better. Which makes for the better game? Can CoH kick DoW off The Topper Than That Top Ten list? Scroll on and find out.
10. Ratchet & Clank, Insomniac Games
Clinging on for dear life. I really need that new game. Well, no, I want it, I don't need it.
9. Counter-Strike: Source, Valve, Turtle Rock Studios
Haven't seen much of this for a while. Could that be why it's slipping down the ranks?
8. Yakuza 2, Sega NE R&D
It doesn't make it far onto this list but its impact is still felt. I am looking forward to a great many things with this one.
7. Company of Heroes, Relic Entertainment
There it is, kicking Dawn of War off the list. Every few days since posting about it, I've played another level, enjoyed another level, wondered what the next one would bring.
6. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, Konami Computer Entertainment Japan
Still, in the Topper Ten, Snaaaake Eater
5. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Rockstar North
Is GTA6 coming back to Vice City? What will it look like? Shall I just look for a ridiculous HD patch until then?
4. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Rockstar Noth
Is GTA6 coming back to San Andreas? What will it look like? Shall I just look for a ridiculous HD patch until then?
3. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Nintendo EAD
This 1001 list has very much been my link to the past. I wonder what I'll do when it's all over...
2. Front Mission 3, Square
Remake when? Come on. Do it.
1. Metal Gear Solid, Konami Computer Entertainment Japan
So good that I've been waiting for the board game adaptation for a year, and will have to wait a year longer. Would nanomachines have helped in this COVID crisis? Yes, they would have. Thanks, world, for ignoring the genius of Kojima. Thanks.
And that's that. No change at the top. No change halfway down, either. It's going to be mighty tricky to topple these titles, but there are always challengers. Next up, something from Rockstar. Oooh.
Rockstar Presents Table Tennis? You're joking, right?